"Dear Diary,
I have had the privilege of coaching and working with some wonderful people. One thing is obvious… we all have self talk that either limits us or encourages us in the moment. I have been curious recently about what makes the difference between an internal chatter box that supports us and one that makes us less resourceful. In my experience, the difference that makes the difference is the quality of the questions we ask of ourselves. It is the questions that we ask ourselves that direct the focus of our attention and therefore affect the success (or lack of it) in our lives."
In my last post, I discussed how in the moment of facing a difficult situation, changing our focus is a really easy way to recover emotional wellbeing. To go a step further, our lives are a direct reflection of what we (consistently) focus upon and the quality of the questions we ask ourselves. Our internal dialogue (or self-talk) directs and controls our attention to the various aspects of our experience and is a deciding factor in the meaning we assign to events.
Personal Development "Guru" Tony Robbins is quoted as saying "The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions you ask of yourself". He differentiates between low and high quality questions. Low quality questions are those questions that keep you stuck. High quality questions move you forward and help you to grow as a person.
For example, if you are facing a challenge, compare the impact of asking the question "How do I resolve this in a way that moves me forwards?" with "Why do I have this problem?" The "why" question, keeps you focussed on the problem and examination of the past. The "How" question faces you towards the future and is solution-orientated.
The questions that we ask ourselves have the power to create more joy, appreciation and happiness in our lives. Below are some examples of high quality questions that you may want to consider. Take a few moments to reflect on each one and notice how it affects your emotional state.
Morning Questions
What am I happy about in my life now? What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?
What am I appreciative or grateful about in my life now? What about that makes me appreciative/grateful? How does that make me feel?
What am I enjoying in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
Evening Questions
What have I given today?
In what ways have I been a giver today?
What did I learn today?
Problem Solving Questions
What is great about this problem?
What is not perfect yet? What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it? What am I willing no longer to do in order to make it the way that I want it?
How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?
"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers" - Anthony Robbins
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